I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
