Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
