That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
