Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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