I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
