A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
