I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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