I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
