guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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