I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
