What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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