Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
