He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
