some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
