WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Quick, to the slutcave!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
