My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
