End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
