I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
