i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
