My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
