Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
