If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
