Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
