What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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