Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
