you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
