South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
