If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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