There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
