I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
