Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
