Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
