Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
