New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ketchup is God's man juice
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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