Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
