I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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