There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
