her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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