Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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