I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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