well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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