EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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