history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
