someone get that fucking seahorse.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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