Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
