I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
