chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
