Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
