Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
