You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
